Winds of Acceptance

I had a decidedly challenging day today. Leaving Norman, Oklahoma at noon, I had what I planned to be a 50 mile day ahead of me. I looked at the forecast. 91 degrees with 25-35mph winds from the South, gusting to around 40mph. I was heading South. Along with the wind, I had a (doable) 900 foot climb.

At this point in the tour, I've had days like this...I've become more confident than ever on the bicycle, though. Perhaps too confident.

I guess what I'm learning is that one good day of conquering challenges doesn't necessarily warrant the next. I've had longer days. I've had way more climbing to do in a day. I've had much worse weather than I did today. I've had days where I started out on a measly two hours of sleep after freezing in a tent the night before, coupled with the fact that I had only cleaned the previous day's ride off of me with baby wipes. Gross. The strange thing about that day: it was to be my longest yet (at the time), and I rode like a champion. Weird, I know.

Today was one of those days, but on the other end of the spectrum. I planned on killing it today, having had a long night's rest, a wonderful breakfast, and a warming send-off from some of Thomas' family in Norman. As I pulled out of the neighborhood onto Highway 9, the wind slapped me in the face. I felt like I was riding in water. It was demoralizing.

I knew I had to make it, though, and make it I did. I downshifted to my middle chainring up front, accepted the fact that today was going to be one of my slowest days yet, and settled in for the challenge. As I mentioned above, I'm confident in my riding skills on the bike now. The biggest challenge on these days is the mental aspect. If you've ever ridden into constant 25+mph winds for 50 miles, you know what I mean. Most of you probably haven't, though. That's fine. I'm nobody special for having done it, it's just one of the physical challenges that I've accepted as part of this tour.

Throughout the day, while fighting the wind and its endless efforts to knock me over, I had the opportunity to get some serious thinking done. (As is the case with most of my days on the bike.) On the "easier" days, I can focus on the music I'm listening to, analyzing data for the ride, and observing the landscape for example. Today, though, was a different story. I found myself searching for motivation to continue battling the elements. I thought about the people I've met along the way that have so many daily tribulations, dealing with pain, loss, grief, healing, anger, and the like; people that have told me that I'm an inspiration to them. I also thought about a lot of the cyclists I've met who have encouraged me to 'just keep pedaling' on those tough days. I'd be remiss if I didn't also mention that I have a desire to impress them on some level with how hard I'm riding. That competitive spirit that is within me, competing against only myself, is fed by those fellow cycling enthusiasts' words.

I also found myself ruminating the metaphorical relationship between this kind of physical challenge and life's daily challenges. Some days are all uphill, some days are beautiful, peaceful, and seemingly effortless. Still others are stormy, and we can often feel as though we're not going to make it to the finish line. The confidence I've built comes from accepting and conquering those tough days and then using that confidence to inspire success on the next difficult day. It does, however, take a certain level of mental discipline to remember that we (I) can make it through those tough days. It is often too easy to focus on the difficulties we are facing, rather than realizing the sense of accomplishment that we have earned before, and will again achieve if we believe in ourselves. Today's example was brought to my attention by Thomas: I had some wide, smooth shoulders to ride. For all the wind, hills, fatigue, sweat, hunger, and insatiable thirst, I had a fairly safe and comfortable route to travel. I had considered the shoulders once earlier in the day, but lost track of that during some gnarly gusts that almost threw me off the road and/or completely stopped me in my tracks, literally!

I'm not sure the lesson was completely learned, but I feel pretty good about what I accomplished today. I rode 57 miles in that wind, and for that I'm proud. I hope each and every one of you will believe in yourself in those tough moments, and have the mental discipline to find the positive in every situation. It has been a very hard thing for me to accept on this tour, but it is because my brother, Sean, chose to end his life that I have had the honor and pleasure to meet so many inspiring and wonderful people on this ride. For this experience, I am so grateful. Would I trade it to have my brother and best friend back? Of course I would, but that is not an option. I can only do my best with what I have.

And do my best, I will. That is a choice that I have made, and I fully accept all of the challenges and consequences (good and bad) with which it comes.